Pretty Woman and the Defense of Oral Sex

Pretty Woman and the Defense of Oral Sex

It seems everybody is writing a sex article these days so I figure why not me.  Here goes.  I was channel surfing the other day and I came across one of my favorite movies, “Pretty Woman”.  I had not seen the movie in a long time and I happen to catch it when it first came on so I figured why not. 

Its funny how you can view something you have seen many times before and then you see it in a new and different way.  In particular a specific scene in the movie really caught my attention because it was like I was viewing it for the first time.  I’m talking about the scene towards the beginning of the film where Vivian has agreed to stay the night with Richard for $300.  Before the night ends the film scene heavily implies that Vivian gives Richard oral sex.

Now, in my opinion the porn industry and our society have ruined the female offering of oral sex.  I think women believe that men’s desire for sexual pleasure from receiving oral sex comes from a dark place of watching pornography that subjugates women and just involves getting-in and getting-off.  But in watching this scene I was struck by what I considered to be the beauty of the scene and I thought this was the perfect defense of this male desire.

For those that might not have seen the movie or are not sure what I am talking about, allow me to describe the scene.  The male character, Richard, is a wealthy business man in Beverly Hills for the week on business.  He has just broken up with his girlfriend and is in a little bit of a funk.  He is driving back to his hotel after a party and has become lost.  The female character, Vivian, is a prostitute living and working in Hollywood.  She is working the street this night when Richard shows up in his car looking for directions to Beverly Hills.  Vivian gets into Richards car and shows him personally how to get to his destination.  Long story short, Richard is intrigued by Vivian’s infectious personality and pays her to come to his room for the night. 

Once in the room Vivian tries to move things along towards sex but Richard resists only wanting to talk.  To slow things down Richard offers to pay Vivian for the entire night instead of just an hour to which Vivian agrees. 

Now that the pressure of having sex for money has been removed, Vivian relaxes with some strawberries and champagne on the floor and is watching “I Love Lucy”.  Richard sits down in the chair in the living room close to Vivian.  Now we get to the good part.  After a couple casual words bantered back and forth between Richard and Vivian, Vivian pauses and reflects for a couple of moments.  She looks into Richards eyes and slowly begins to crawl across the floor towards him.  It’s almost as though Vivian has realized that Richard is not her usual clientele.  He is a nice guy who is lonely and was looking for some type of a connection with another person.  In this moment Vivian decides that she wants to provide an offering to Richard. 

Once she has made her way to Richard she positions herself on her knees between his legs.  While still keeping eye contact, she strokes his leg and slowly removes her outer clothing.  Then a moment of comic relief as Vivian gets off her knees to get a pillow to put on the floor in order to have a comfortable place while she is on her knees.  Vivian mutes the television, pulls Richard into a more relaxed seated position then proceeds to unzip his pants and unbutton his shirt.  She then looks him in the eye and asks, “What do you want?” 

This is of course a rhetorical question; Vivian has already decided that she wants to give Richard this offering of oral sex.  Vivian kisses her way down his chest before pausing one last time to look at the television and smile at the program.  Richard takes a deep breath in as the scene then fades away. 

What strikes me about the scene is the idea of one person making an offering of pleasure to another person.  Vivian clearly did not have to make this offer to Richard.  Richard appeared to be perfectly content just to have her company for the night.  When Vivian realized that she was safe with Richard and that Richard was a nice guy she was overcome by a feeling that she wanted to make an offering to Richard.  This was an offering to show him that she appreciated him.

For men, receiving oral sex from your partner is highly pleasurable on a physical level.  I don’t think most women realize however how pleasurable it can be on a spiritual level though.  For men I think we tend make stronger emotional connections from being touched.  There is no more intimate way of a man being touched than receiving oral sex.  Also what this scene communicates to me is that when one person wants to demonstrate a feeling of appreciation and gratitude to another there is no better way to convey this than through some type of offering. 

I believe that men and women respond to different types of offerings from partners or loved ones.  The offering of oral sex that I have just described here is a beautiful scene to me.   What makes it a beautiful scene is that it demonstrates that oral sex does not have to be a dirty thing; instead it can be a spiritual offering of beauty and love.  I think that is the best spiritual defense for oral sex. 

I'm Spiritually Opposed to Weight Loss

I’m Spiritually Opposed to Weight Loss

Recently I was asked by a group of office co-workers about joining a “Biggest Loser” competition at work.  I respectfully declined citing that I was spiritually opposed to the concept of weight loss.  I got a good laugh out of that comment but to everybody’s surprise I was serious. 

Now, let me start by saying that we all know about the obesity problem in our country and the obesity problems that other countries are starting to have.  In stating that I am spiritually opposed to the concept of weight loss what I am saying is that I am opposed to the idea of reaching for a number like 160 and drawing a conclusion that when I step onto a weight scale that the number I should see is 160 instead of 175.  Why? 

In our society we obsess over numbers and we let these numbers control our thoughts which then affect our mood.  I remember reading a story about how women’s clothing sizes have actually changed over the years because the fashion industry wants women to feel better about the clothing they buy.  The idea is that the better you feel you will want to buy more of their clothing.  A size 8 versus a size 12 dress size is an example of just meaningless numbers assigned by people wanting to manipulate you into buying their product.  Because we are focused on numbers that are just made-up constructs of reality we loose contact with how we truly feel inside which can lead to spiritual demise.

In order to fight back against this manipulation we have to have a spiritual, meditative and physical practice that allows us to reconnect with our true selves.  One of my favorite parts of yoga and meditation is sitting and quietly scanning the body.  During this quiet time we learn to look inside ourselves for areas of tension, pain and discomfort.  In this time of quiet contemplation there is no scale to look at, there is no meter to get a reading from; all that you have at your disposal is your internal wisdom.  When we scan the body there is only one criterion we have for ourselves and that is trying to answer the question, “How do I feel”?  This is an expression of reality, an expression of our true selves.

Unfortunately for the large majority of our society today we have almost completely cut ourselves off from our bodies because we have tuned into the question of, “What do I think”?  I think 175 is not a good weight, I think I should weight less; I think I need to wear a smaller pants size.  We never stop to ask ourselves, “Why do I think this?”  When we purely rely on these thoughts to determine our self-worth we are vulnerable to being manipulated by a constructed, false reality created by whoever wants to control you.    

The best way to lead a healthy life is to live a life of balance.  When we can balance our mind, body and spirit we become more aware of our feelings and less concerned about our thoughts.  Our feelings come from our spirit and when we can tune into what the spirit tells us about how we feel about ourselves we put ourselves back in control.  When we eat; how do we feel about what we are eating?  Do we feel as though we are honoring our bodies with what we are putting in it?  If not, then change what you are eating.  If you feel like you are hungry, then eat until the feeling goes away.  Why would you keep eating if the feeling of hunger has left your body?  If you feel like you need to exercise then go and exercise until you feel as though you have had enough. 

Don’t sit and think that you have to follow whatever the latest issue of whatever magazine is telling you.  They tell you that you need to count this calorie, and that you need this many minutes of exercise this many times a week with this heartbeat. 

So what am I spiritually in favor of doing?   I’m in favor of getting on your yoga mat or your meditation cushion and following what your mind body and spirit are telling you.  If you do these things there should never be a reason to step on a weight scale again.